Só que, tem filhos sabe o quanto tem de opiniões obrando em relação a todos os quesitos. Você nunca ouviu: 'cuidado, se pegar mito no colo, essa criança vai ficar mimada!" ou "Tem que deixar chorar, senão sua vida vai virar um inferno". Há um tempo atrás, enquanto anda estava grávida, postei o link do Nana Nenê. (Atenção, existem dois Nana Nenê. Esse que eu postei é um mais light, não aquele que diz que a criança tem que se esgoelar no berço.)
O livro tem dicas ótimas, mas quando a criança nasce, a gente vê que, invariavelmente acaba fazendo um monte de coisas que os livros dizem para não fazer... e isso faz parte de ser pai e mãe. Eu que sou psicóloga, vi que na hora H, você não pensa em teoria, assim como com o paciente no consultório. Agora entendo o que é estar aberto para recebê-lo e escutá-lo, sem colocar a teoria na frente de nada, e sim usá-la como auxílio. É dessa maneira com o bebê e assim que deve ser na sala de análise...bem já dizia nosso querido Winnicott.
Pois bem, achei um site bem legal que fala sobre questões comuns a todos os papais e mamães. Eu particularmente gostei do texto abaixo que diz que cada bebê dá a dica de como precisa ser cuidado. Ouvimos demais as opiniões dos outros e, por mais que possamos aproveitar alguns conselhos, não há regra específica e bebê não vem com manual.
http://www.askdrsears.com
The Shutdown Syndrome
Throughout our 30 years of working with parents
and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well
children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they
receive.
and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well
children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they
receive.
"You're spoiling that baby!" First-time parents Linda
and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office
for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously
been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was
carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and
nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical
touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and
this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced
these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy,
dependent child.
and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office
for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously
been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was
carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and
nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical
touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and
this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced
these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy,
dependent child.
Parents lost trust. Like many first-time parents, Norm and
Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure
of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather
cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they
didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy
and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from
the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and
neither were her parents.
Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure
of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather
cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they
didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy
and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from
the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and
neither were her parents.
Baby lost trust. After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her
doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to
undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed
the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of
their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had
trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been
organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents
let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly
pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to
thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted,
and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to
their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting—to carry her a lot,
breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within
a month Heather was again thriving.
doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to
undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed
the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of
their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had
trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been
organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents
let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly
pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to
thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted,
and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to
their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting—to carry her a lot,
breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within
a month Heather was again thriving.
Babies thrive when nurtured. We believe every baby has a critical level of
need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving
means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and
emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents
what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up
to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by
advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out"
or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of
need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's
language.
need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving
means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and
emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents
what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up
to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by
advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out"
or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of
need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's
language.
Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile,
compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be
depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may
become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become
the highest-need adults.
compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be
depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may
become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become
the highest-need adults.
Bisous,
Léssel.
Léssel.
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário